Most of the notes and thoughts I have don’t get published on this blog. I’m trying to be better about not feeling ashamed about my own writing or personal (political) thoughts. More tidbits/glimpses into my daily musings will be sprinkled throughout my blog.
A throwback post to my gender/queer musings on August 1, 2014:
Something in Notes for the Bisexual Revolution made me reflect deeply on queer relationships. How S and I were not only navigating a queer, non-heterosexual relationship, but also a queering of the definition of relationship itself. And perhaps that’s why it was so hard. Because we were trying to simultaneously create a whole ‘nother space of queer, non-heterosexual, asexual, friendship/relationship — in complete silence without consulting each other.
The book also talked about the subversive nature of non-heterosexual (although specifically lesbian) relationships — how normally in heteropatriarchy, women are forced to construct their gender and role in relationship to the dominant male. In other words, women are made to be what masculinity is not; women are what is soft and left along the outlines of a man. Women always acting in complement to men.
But what happens when the man is removed from that picture, and we are still asked to construct a relationship? I think the huge queer potential lies in this liminal space. There is the possibility of finally exploring one’s own gender and queerness. What does womanhood mean, if not the submission to manhood? What does love mean if not sacrifice and careful tiptoeing around masculinity? What does my own masculinity look like if not bridled and hindered for fear of harming male masculinity? Who am I without a man? Who am I, period? I think that’s ultimately the question I was faced with in my relationship with S. And to be honest, I floundered. I wasn’t expecting the barrage of inwardly directed questions that soon ensued nor the confused silence that met it. I still have a long ways to go in answering those questions.